#10. Driving.
Don't. Can't. Won't.
#9. Running.
Uggggggggggggggg.
#8. Rickshaw.
Probably more expensive and less private than a taxi, and well if you're actually considering taking one, and you don't live in a city in China where this type of thing is normal, you're just an asshole. Try walking, you lazy prick.
#7.Walking.
Even if you're not in heels, even if your destination is less than an hour away, even if you have a printed map of the route or GPS, even if you're not carrying a fallen comrade on your hip, it's just so much...effffooorrtttt. It's been a long day, and you're tired. Call a cab, mate, you deserve it.
#6. Cabs.
Taxis are towards the bottom of the list for shear reason of cost. Yes, they are private, spacious, smell like Pine-Sol, and have a great soundtrack that includes all the hits of the 80's, 90's, and today. But these are luxuries that simply don't outweigh the fact that for the price of an average cab ride home, I could have stayed out and bought at least 4 more drinks. 4! For this reason, taxis should be kept as a final option and used only in the following circumstances: you are bringing home a new lady friend that you have just met at the pub (it's late and she's probably close to passing out, so take advantage of the sizable back seat and get a blowie while you still can), you have been given an offer to share the cab with someone that has more money than you (you'd do the same if you were rich), you are rich, its too late for the tube and the night bus scares you, you would walk or bike but you don't own an iphone, you would walk or bike but you're too drunk to bike and not drunk enough to walk, you were walking home and you got run over by a cabbie who then offered you a free ride in exchange for your silence. Any other taxi usage is impractical and simply unacceptable. Save yourself the hassle of trying to negotiate price with someone whose only English is "40 pounds," and take a bus.
#5. Bus.
If you can handle the inevitable horror of having a stranger sit directly next you just barely touching your leg with theirs, the bus is a convenient and cost efficient option. For just £1.20 (or is it £1.90?) on your Oyster Card you will enjoy a 30-90+ minute ride where the slow pace and the constant stopping will give you the opportunity to see the sights of the city as well as giving you motion sickness (or is that the smell). You will feel like your life is in danger at least once, but you will most likely arrive at your destination unscathed (unless you happen to have boarded the same bus as the Peckham Terminator™). And you'll feel pretty good about yourself for having saved a bit of money, if you can overlook the sudden desire to get in your bed, hide under the covers, and call your mom as soon as you exit the bus. Don't think you can stomach it? There's always the Underground.
#4. The tube.
It looks confusing, it's sometimes hot and crowded, you run the risk of being sprayed in the face by someone on a train with a fire extinguisher while you're waiting on the platform, and it's not always running. But it's really not all that confusing, it's faster than a bus and less exhausting, and when it's running, it's convenient. However if you're afflicted with a fear of enclosed underground spaces, a fear of subway musicians, or just want some fucking exercise, get a bike.
#3. Cycling.
Nothing says "I'm better than you" better than cruising the streets on your bike. You can weave in and out of cars, take up entire lanes of traffic, run through red lights, squeeze between buses, and clear sidewalks, all because you're on a bike, and you're awesome. Other added privileges include being able to tell anyone who will listen how eco-friendly cycling is (include statistics and a bar graph for extra impact) and being able to brag to your friends about how you're "in the best shape of your life" now that you're cycling everywhere. So get yourself a bike and an iphone and give yourself a pat on the back, because you've reached the higher ranks now, my friend, and that feeling of superiority is your birthright.*See Note.
*Note: These rules do not apply if you are, have ever been, or have ever considered being the owner of the following: a low rider bike, one of those bikes with the tiny wheels and really high seat, a rickshaw, a unicycle, a bike for hire, any other unnecessary variation of the classic bicycle.
#2. Motorcycle.
With a motorcycle you really can't lose. You have many of the benefits of bike riding (forget about the environment, will you?) but with less effort and much higher speeds. And you look bad ass. Only negative: most certain death. You decide.
#1. Stroller.
Ah. Maze. Ing. Try and think of a better one. I dare you.
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